when I have random thoughts throughout the day, if they don’t end up on Twitter, I type them into the notepad on my phone. here are some of the gems from the past few weeks:
- I don’t understand girls who faint at the sight of blood. How do they get their period every month without incident?
- There’s a man in the choir at church who sings like Kermit the frog.
- There’s a woman in the choir at church who always sings one beat behind the music and it drives me to the brink of insanity. I want to buy her a metronome.
- The smell of farts will follow you. You can’t discreetly break wind in one room and then quickly move to another and not expect some of that scent to trail or stick with you.
- I have never heard of the name Saskia before but I have read two books this year with main characters named Saskia.
- Because of my last name, it would be cruel to name our future children any of the following:
- I don’t think airplane chairs should recline. They should be built at a slight angle to begin with but should not have a go back option. It’s not fair to the people behind you. Unless they increase space between seats, it’s dumb.
- Why do we have to file taxes when the government automatically takes money out of our paychecks each month? Isn’t the technology available to do this for us? Why is it such a process?
- I could never sit on a ball instead of a chair. I like to lean too much. I’d end up on the floor.